Kaburu

Kaburu: Sudsy Malone’s and the washing of the soul

Written by Kaburu
Wednesday, 05 October 2011 18:23

Because God hates me, I spent quite a few years in the United States in pursuit of a piece of paper that said I might know what I’m doing. These years were passed in the Midwest amidst a haze of bad beer, chewing tobacco, oily pizza and thousands of girls named, of all things, Becky. If a degree means learning how not to do something, then my degree is Ivy League, darlin’. Because what I learnt pronto was how to lie, and lie but good.

I met folks who had never left their county, never mind their state, and I was terribly impressed by both their fundamental grasp of world events and historical acumen. Which is why I got away with describing myself as Dutch.

KABURU: The End of the World

Written by Kaburu
Friday, 19 August 2011 12:07

If you are reading this then the odds are good that the world did not, as predicted by Family Stations Inc, end at 7pm on 21 May 2011. The “end of the world” is of course a relative statement when one is Afrikaans, because this could mean anything from your daughter marrying a black man, to the truly unthinkable the Springboks losing a Test match (God forbid!)

Kaburu: IF...

Written by Kaburu
Monday, 11 July 2011 13:03

In the north: they were the best of times, they were the worst of times. (Many, however, did not have chronometers available, so they did not know of the times at all.) In The Times we read of winds of uncertain providence howling through the Sahara, of horrors in the land of the Rising Sun and of a prince (with dubious shares in the hair department) ruining his life in an abbey filled with the countless monuments of those who, had they had access to media accreditation, would most likely have shook their heads in disbelief. And so, in retrospect, all was as it should be and as it always will be. Carpe diem.

In the south: amidst accusations of toilets with a view, taxpayer-funded nights in the One&Only and guardians of the law rubber bulleting their way into ignominy, one could be forgiven for thinking that it couldn’t get worse, that there weren’t better things to do than discuss the artistic merits of a song concerning the massacre of agriculturists. But one would be wrong. There was a real crisis brewing in the republic – in the Republic of Orania.

Kaburu: "Een, Twee"

Written by Kaburu
Wednesday, 06 July 2011 17:46

This publication has in its possession an astounding recently completed research paper, and we’re proud to be among the first to release this document to the world. The thesis contains undeniable evidence of interaction between higher-order mathematical, biological and musical disciplines, resulting in actual physical manifestation. The author is Dr JC Beukes, an Afrikaner from Germiston, who studied at the University of Southern Northern Limpopo. He is, in our view, a leader in his field. Herewith a summary of the findings of his ground-breaking thesis.

Doctoral candidate: JC Beukes

Thesis title: “Een, twee!”